MAIN TITLES

As presentation credits begin, we hear Johnny Cash's "Home of the Blues." Then we see Allison's name, under it Alex's, under that Robert's, under that Quentin's, then under that the title logo for Four Rooms, followed by "Starring Tim Roth as the Bellboy." Then "The Guests" listed in alphabetical order of all the actors playing guests. After the actors' names, we . . .

FADE UP ON A WALL

The camera pans down a weathered wall covered with postcards from Miami Beach, Florida, the Copacabana, N.Y.C., "Wish You Were Here" from Niagara Falls, rickshaws and babes on beaches, etc . . . .

The camera comes to rest on an old photograph of a 1930s hotel, the "Mon Signor," in its heyday, with a full staff of 30 people posed on the lawn in front.

An old guy with a staccato voice delivers a monologue:

Another voice of a young man interrupts.

A wisp of smoke passes over a napkin pinned to the wall with a lip print on it signed "Marilyn." The camera pulls back to reveal Ted and the Old Guy sitting on a foldout cot in a small back room of the Hotel Mon Signor. The old man is dressed in a striped T-shirt with a bellhop's cap on. He looks like an old pirate. Next to him on the bed sits Ted, a young guy with a bellhop jacket draped over his knees. The old bellhop takes a long drag off a big cigar.

The old bellhop takes a hit off his cigar and stares down at his cap, lost in thought.

The old guy passes the cap over to Ted.

Ted puts the cap on.

The Old Guy gets up from the bed and throws a jacket on. Pulls a few postcards off the wall, throws them in an old straw suitcase, and slams the lid down. He heads for the door. Ted follows.

The Old Guy pauses for a second and looks Ted dead in the eye.

The door slams shut on the back room.

INT. HOTEL LOBBY--TWILIGHT

The big empty lobby of the Mon Signor. You can tell that at one point this used to be a swank place. It still is, kinda. It's also kinda decrepit. The concierge--a snappy, fast-talking, red-haired young woman in a blue blazer named Betty--stands behind the reception desk. The old man, suitcase in hand, makes a beeline through the lobby, heading toward the front door. Betty sees him.

The Old Guy stops in his tracks and turns around.

Betty comes from behind the desk.

The Old Guy squints his eyes at the young gal.

She speaks to the Old Guy as she lights his cigar and he puffs away.

Betty is left standing in the lobby. Ted appears behind her in his bellbody uniform, sans cap.

They walk out of frame. In the empty frame we

SUPER: NEW YEAR'S EVE 7:00 P.M.

INT. BACK ROOM--NIGHT

Betty and Ted sit in the back room, both with drinks in their hand. This dialogue is to be delivered rapid fire, Howard Hawks style.

Ted spews his drink.

Betty slows the scene down.

Betty takes a piece of paper and writes her number down.

Ted thinks about it for a moment.

Betty begrudgingly digs in her purse.

She gives him the money.

Betty leaves.

Ted sits in the chair, takes another drink, and prepares himself for the night.

FADE TO BLACK

STORY TITLE CARD:

FADE IN:

EXT. THE MON SIGNOR HOTEL--DUSK

Ted, the bellboy, meets his first guest of the evening, as a taxi unloads her luggage. To his warm surprise, the guest is a Beautiful Mediterranean Goddess (actually, we will come to see she is not technically a goddess, but a High Priestess). She is about 25 years old, speaks with an Italian accent and is dressed in Gypsy garb. She is Athena.

Ted takes Athena's luggage onto his cart. But one item in a woven Moroccan bag proves to be unbearably heavy. Athena is concerned as he attempts to lift it.

Ted strains as he uses all his cojones to lift the insanely heavy bag onto the cart. Athena tips the cab driver, stingily. The driver winces and gets in the cab. Ted has now managed with grunts and groans and strained blood vessels to put this thing on the cart. The cab skids away. Athena looks at Ted, who is out of breath.

Ted wheezes and pounds on his chest.

As if she can't help herself, Athena's eyes are strangely drawn to his crotch. She frowns, confused by this impulse. Ted appears to be charmingly oblivious.

Athena looks back into his face.

Ted touches his face--as if searching for the "purple" in it--and moves the cart inside, discreetly checking out his crotch and giving her a confused side glance.

INT. FRONT DESK--DUSK

Ted shifts hats to check the girl in. He checks her reservation.

He looks at this wacky Gypsy chick numbly--she pulls out her Gold Card and smiles.

EXT. ELEVATOR--DUSK

The doors open and Ted and Athena emerge upon the third floor. Ted follows Athena with the cart down the hallway to her room.

AT THE HONEYMOON SUITE DOOR

Ted opens the door, then lifts the easiest bags first. In the center of the room is a Jacuzzi with hokey plastic cupids poised with urns on each side. A dormant fireplace looms beyond the still hot tub.

Ted stares at the heavy bag with anxiety--then looks in front of him to Athena as she rubs the round plastic head of a little Cupid and mumbles, "Perfect." Then, arms open wide, chin lifted to heaven, eyes closed, she mumbles a faint incantation. Then she does a belly-dance wiggle and turns to Ted, who is truly perplexed.

He starts to lift it, again straining and turning purple. He laughs sickly.

She relieves him of the task and effortlessly picks up the bag.

Ted is stunned as she slings the bag over her shoulder and pauses to pull a 10 spot out of her cleavage. She hands it to him. Ted is grateful and disoriented.

Ted nods, confused by "the others," and walks off with the cart. Then he turns from outside the doorway.

But Athena is ahead of him--she flips a switch and water begins to flow from the baby cupids' urns into the hot tub.

As she says this, the door closes with a strange force, shutting Ted out. Athena takes the bag to the bedroom of the suite.

IN THE SUITE BEDROOM

A round bed with pink tuck'n'roll headboard. It's impossible to imagine having an orgasm in this room--unless it were achieved by laughing.

Athena carefully removes a large, beautiful white slab of stone from her tapestry bag. She caresses it and carries it like a baby to the bed and places it in the very center, the head of the rock resting on dusty heart-shaped pillows.

Then she removes from her bag a pink negligee and matching high-heeled slippers. And these she places with reverance on the bed.

CLOSE ON the rock slab. We hold the artifact.

INT. FRONT DESK--DUSK FALLS

Just as Ted is recovering from the mystery of this first guest, Elspeth arrives. She has skin like marble, the body of Venus, piercing blue eyes, blond hair and is dressed all in black clothing, like Honey West in a rubber dress. She carries several bags, and a silver sword on her shoulder.

Then she snaps, irritated, behind her.

ANGLE ON a young punk rocker chick with long orange hair, a long leather coat, wearing a tight T-shirt with studs spelling "PUSSY" across her breasts. This is Kiva.

Kiva is kicking the tar and nicotine outta the cigarette machine. Just as Ted's eyes grow wide with anxiety, several packs of smokes drop into the juvenile delinquent's hands.

She stares at him without humor. He fumbles for the key. He walks around the desk to help her with her black crocodile luggage. Jars clang inside. He is ready to go, but Elspeth turns to lecture Kiva on the hazards of smoking, as Kiva lights up.

As Kiva goes off on her impression of a game-show host, Elspeth is growing increasingly rageful, like a mother with an unruly child. Ted waits, luggage in hand.

She cuts Kiva's ramble off. Kiva blows smoke defiantly.

Ted looks on uneasily at the relationship that is beginning to unfold here. Elspeth checks his reaction and becomes self-conscious at his scrutiny.

But her wild child looks off, bored. Elspeth turns to Ted, flustered.

Ted smiles uneasily and reaches to relieve her of her sword, but Elspeth quickly slams her palm on the sword and shoots him a piercing glare. He jumps back with a light nervous laugh. He leads the way to the elevator.

AT THE HONEYMOON SUITE DOOR

The couch has been set out here in the hall, as well as coffee tables, lamps, and the TV. Elspeth and Kiva enter the room. Athena is gone. As Ted stumbles around the furniture in the hall, he peers in the room and see a transformation. With most of the furniture removed, candles and incense and flowers are beginning to form an altar around the fireplace.

But oddest of all is the pink-tinged water swirling in the Jacuzzi and pouring from the cupid urns. A sprinkle of white powder on the carpet encircles the hot tub. Elspeth hands him a tip as he gawks at the circle.

Ted starts away again, perplexed. He turns for one last look to see Elspeth kneeling before Kiva, who sprawls on the floor. He shakes his head and leaves.

Kiva looks around the room and spies the TV in the hallway. She turns to Elspeth with sarcastic concession.

Elspeth bristles as the brat saunters off to the bedroom. Elspeth enters the sacred circle, stands before the altar, whips out her sword, and makes a ceremonial gesture pointing the sword upward, perfectly centered between her breasts.

Kiva, behind Elspeth's back, exits from the bedroom doorway into the hall and comes back in, lugging the TV into the honeymoon bedroom.

Elspeth kneels before the altar. Athena enters the room with the "cleansed" artifact and lays the slab in the center of the altar upon the heart-shaped pillows as Elspeth lays her sword next to the rock. The women look upon the union with tender affection.

Athena stands up but her reverie is dispelled as she shrieks! Loud TV suddenly blasts from the bedroom and Kiva the brat is trying on the pink negligee over her clothes. Athena takes the negligee off the irrepressible youth.

The women have a stare-down. Then Athena calls out--

Elspeth becomes anxious with jealousy. Athena is exasperated as she firmly demands from Elspeth--

Elspeth defers to Athena with remembered reverance and respect. She bows apologetic and scurries to the bedroom.

IN THE BEDROOM

Elspeth swallows her rage and approaches the brat with a soft touch.

Kiva smirks . . . yeah, she knows.

And saying this, she kisses Kiva's nose and leaves the room. Kiva is quieted now. As Elspeth closes the bedroom door, she has the last word.

Kiva slinks back on the bed, put in her place--for now.

IN THE HALLWAY/EXT. ELEVATOR--DUSK

The doors open and Ted pushes a cart of expensive designer luggage--and lots of it--behind yet another Gorgeous Gal. This one is Jezebel, a Southern beauty, fawning over her cat, as she carries nothing else, and proceeds down the hall like a Southern princess.

AT THE DOOR

Jezebel bursts in, chattering.

Ted carries all her bags inside awkwardly. Again, the place has become all the more tranformed with wild canopies of exotic cloths and fixings. Elspeth and Athena are hard at work on a strange nature sculpture as Jezebel enters. She stands inside the powdered circle and before the hot tub, which now has dark blue water swirling inside. She presents her cat--upward toward heaven--frees the cat, bares her breasts and sucks in the vibes: "Ahhhh."

Ted settles the bags down, hoping for a peek at her charms, but her back is to him. The kitty rubs on her leg. She picks it up and presses it against her bare breasts, petting it sweetly. She winks and hands him a tip.

And saying this, she shoos him away. Through the glass doors to the bedroom, she sees Kiva sprawled on the bed, writing on herself.

Elspeth seethes at her. Jezebel acts blithely innocent.

IN THE HALLWAY

Ted is walking from the room with the cart. His face is etched in a mask of perpetual frown as he looks at the tip in his hand--at least these lunachicks tip well.

Waking him out of his deep mood is Raven. Another female intoxication, she wears a short skirt, all done up in Native American, Southwestern themes. No shoes. But she carries a small, old handmade broom. She moves down the hall, blissed-out. Ted makes eye contact, despite himself.

Ted looks down at the broom at her side, her bare feets, her thick dark hair. It keeps getting weirder. She wanders off.

INT. FRONT DESK--NIGHT

The last of the lovely girls arrives. She is different from the others. She looks like a farm girl, very Earth Mother, with a tablecloth halter top and skirt, sandals, and a simple scarf over her long dark curls. She carries two bags by herself and holds a small black pot under her arm. She is Eva.

She lowers her eyes, worried.

She is so sweet and sincere that he feels like a heel to have been irritated with her. He picks up her bags.

Eva smiles, beautifully.

IN THE ELEVATOR

Ted holds Eva's hippy sacks as she holds her black pot. There is a shy quiet tension here.

Eva's heart sinks. They arrive at the door. He carries her bags in.

IN THE SUITE

The room is entirely transformed into a beautiful glowing palace with an elaborate altar, both earthly and the other-earthly. The other four girls are arranging the altar as Eva enters.

Ted is slightly queasy. She hands him a tip and smiles, then takes it back.

Ted's no fool, he waits while Eva looks through her change purse.

CLOSE ON Ted's face as he gets thoroughly grossed out.

Eva places a nice tip in his palm.

Ted sighs as Eva enters the circle with her black pot. She kneels softly, holds her hands in piety before the altar, and softly incants as she offers her pot and places it on the altar. The stone and sword and flowers now rest here on pillows covered in chiffon scarves. The negligee hangs from the mantel, the slippers underneath as if expecting someone to materialize into the garments.

Ted is watching Eva, enchanted.

Ted has scribbled down the items as she speaks. He looks at this list and these girls and shudders as he walks away. He turns, points at Eva.

Ted smiles at this angel of a girl. She smiles back. But, as she looks him in the eyes, he feels a strange buzzing connection happening. He holds his head, almost swooning with dizziness. Athena smirks.

Ted comes out of his daze, looks at the list again and huffs off. After he goes, the girls begin to bring forth their most treasured offerings in ornate ancient bottles, vases or vials.

Jezebel folds her arms and clears her throat in the direction of Kiva, sitting idly on the edge of the blue water Jacuzzi, with her feet dipping irreverently in the water.

She climbs up the stairs, trying to pull the brat to her feet.

Kiva sees a bit of weakening here; she takes her feet out of the Jacuzzi. She begins to speak softly.

Elspeth begins to weaken. But continues to pull the brat up. Kiva pours on softer seduction.

Elspeth is now fully seduced. Kiva takes Elspeth's hand and presses it lightly on her face.

Kiva nods. Elspeth is enthralled, but from a disgusted "ick" sound from Jezebel, Elspeth realizes she's revealing this side of her life--in front of her coven. She nervously looks around and see all the coven looking at her: a disgusted Jezebel, an understanding Raven, a preoccupied Eva and an impatient and stern Athena.

Elspeth comes to her senses, straightens her posture.

She turns on Elspeth and bites her hand. Elspeth pulls her arm away and grabs Kiva by the hair.

Elspeth lets go of Kiva's hair. Kiva jerks away from her.

Kiva stomps off into the bedroom.

Elspeth enters the powered circle. Each girl takes off her shoes. They anoint themselves with oils.

The girls moan in sleepy, eerie agreement as they begin to sway within the circle.

And saying this, the girls all form a "rock" with their bodies gracefully draped one upon the other. Music begins, and slowly they start to unfold from the rock. The girls each find their place in a semicircle around the Jacuzzi. Some bare their breasts, other strip off a layer of clothes. They anoint their arms with water from the Jacuzzi.

They begin a lovely dance, snaking their way around the semicircle. The first one to go from one end to the other is Athena. She then proceeds up the stairs and positions herself between the altar and the Jacuzzi. She steps forth with a bottle to the altar and pours it into the Jacuzzi.

Each of the girls moans eerily. Athena places the bottle on the altar and bows away. She joins the circle as Elspeth now steps forward with her offering in a vial.

The girls moan loudly as they sway. Jezebel places her offering in the hot tub and bows out, returning to the circle. Now Raven comes forth with a small leather canteen. She unscrews the lid as she offers in her opiate stupor.

She pours liquid into the mix, as the witches moan. Now it's Eva's turn. Eva continues to sway, not moving forth to the altar. The girls keep their eyes closed as they sway, waiting for Eva's offering. Athena finally gives her a push and she goes.

Eva kneels before the altar. She produces a silver bottle with a chain on its cap and neck. She timidly begins to incant.

The moans turn to wails as the girls GASP and SHRIEK! Athena opens her eyes, wildly.

Elspeth opens her eyes and folds her arms, smirking bitterly.

Eva bursts into tears. Athena is firm.

Just then: a knock at the door.

Athena smiles and turns to Eva.

Ted opens the door. His eyes bulge out as he looks upon the fleshly feast. He steps back. They giggle seductively, all except Eva, who sniffles, red-eyed. Amazingly, Ted's attention is captivated by Eva's sorrow, not by the naked charms of the other witches. She shyly covers her breasts. Sensitive to her shame and sorrow, he looks away and steps from the door to fetch the room-service cart. Athena directs the others to put on their shirts. Ted wheels in the cart.

He points to the trout. Elspeth picks it up, flings the eyes into the Jacuzzi, and tosses the trout out of the window. She smirks at him comtemptuously.

The girls step out. Athena turns to Eva and points to her watch, then holds up one finger. Eva looks up, worried. The door closes on her and Ted. She looks at Ted and sighs. He covers her with a shawl.

IN THE HALLWAY

The other witches listen at the door.

She runs back in for her bratty girlfriend, who is already sneaking out the bedroom door.

The witches disperse.

INT. HONEYMOON SUITE--NIGHT

Eva sits among pillows before the altar as Ted stands in front of her. Ted is trying his best to make poor Eva smile. But no matter what his antics, she looks off sadly.

Ted waits; she sighs and rest her chin in her hand.

She begins to cry tearfully again.

He postures proudly, all puffed out. Eva looks at him helplessly. And he paternally encourages her to explain.

He looks around the room: QUICK CUTS of candles, iconography, jars of lurid substances, unknown body parts of animals woven into the nature sculpture . . . and are those tongues in that can? Ted's getting the creeps, but again puffs himself up.

Eva nods, looking lovingly at the stone.

Ted frowns as he ponders all this. Eva takes a photo from the altar and hands it to Ted.

CLOSE ON photo: a Blond Bombshell in full-on Betty Page attire, a bare-tittied pinup girl, playfully spanking a girl in bondage with a spiked high heel.

The photograph slowly comes alive. Diana stops spanking the girl and unties her. She pulls the girl (in the black satin mask) up off her lap and makes the girl stand. The women face each other and break into a cheek-to-cheek tango.

CLOSE ON Ted as he shakes his head. Are his eyes playing tricks on him?

She begins to sob again. Ted comforts her.

He holds up the photo. Eva nods.

Eva looks off. Ted searches his brains, thoroughly sickened now.

She nods; he winces, queasy. Eva looks at him, helpless.

Eva sobs, pleading. She throws off her shawl, baring her lovely breasts, and reaches her arms around his neck. He keeps backing off. Unbeknownst to him, he is already doing a ritualistic shuffle.

He is backing away, into the circle, as she comes for him, soft and sweet. Her eyes are again putting the magic hex on him, as he tries to resist her gaze.

All the while she is stepping toward him into the circle.

Eva sweetly takes his hand and places it on her breast.

They fall into a kiss, as she begins to remove his cap. She moves him toward the Jacuzzi, closer and closer.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. HALLWAY--NIGHT

Ted pushes his room-service cart. He is flushed. Puffed up. Lights a cigarette, takes a great big, satisfied drag. Eva runs to the door dreamily, her naked body wrapped in her shawl. She passes him a card.

She smiles and shuts the door. The other witches are arriving with supplies from the garden. Kiva, now having raised her blood sugar, sucks on a lollipop, a sunny girl. She talks to Raven, who carries a birch limb.

The other girls roll their eyes as Elspeth smiles proudly. Ted blows smoke at them and pushes his cart off down the hall. The witches run inside the room.

IN THE SUITE

Eva sits, blissed-out, in the center of the circle, smiles.

Athena regally leads the ritual as they all bare their breasts again. Kiva throws off her shirt to join in. As she does, we see black bondage tape on her nipples. Elspeth darts a quick look at the tape, looks at the other witches--not sure she likes this--but she goes with it. The witches sway in a circle, eyes closed, as Eva makes her offering.

The witches all incant.

They march half-naked as they moan and revel in eerie cries. The Jacuzzi begins to bubble and boil. Their cries heighten; the potion bubbles over.

DISSOLVE TO:

HOURS LATER

Athena reads from a huge leatherbound book, The Book of Shadows, full of potions and spells. Four discouraged witches pack their bags. The room has been restored to its worldly under-splendor. Kiva uses the remote on the TV . . . so much for witchcraft. The slab of rock remains a slab.

The witches sadly collect their things. Athena, deep in thought, strokes the slab.

They all agree. They pick up their bags and head out.

They leave the room. Jezebel's cat leaps from her arms as she hoists her luggage. Eva walks out satisfied, thought perhaps a little sore--"ouch," she says, and smiles. Athena takes one last look at their goddess slab.

She closes the door on the Honeymoon Suite (till next New Year's Eve!).

FADE TO BLACK.

FADE UP ON:

INT. MON SIGNOR LOBBY--NIGHT

Ted behind the desk, on the phone. We only hear his side.

He hangs up.

SUPER: 1:00 a.m.

The phone rings again.

INT. ROOM 404--NIGHT

A small party is going on. A long-haired Yuppie Scum type in on the line. Music BLARES. People dance in background.

INT. FRONT DESK--NIGHT

BACK AND FORTH

The Yuppie turns away from the phone and speaks to Real Theodore.

CUT TO:

STORY TITLE CARD:

INT. DARK HALLWAY

Ted saunters down a hallway with a butt hanging out the corner of his mouth and a bucket of ice swinging at his side. He pulls up at a door on which the faded numbers read something like "Room 404."

Ted knocks on the door. After a moment, the latch is thrown and the door swings open. Ted cautiously steps into the dark room.

INT. ROOM 404

A DEMONIC CACKLE cuts through the darkness.

In a flash the lights switch on and Ted finds himself staring down the barrel of a pretty intense-looking .357 Magnum, cocked and ready to fire. At the other end of the gun stands a 50-year-old man, Sigfried, who sports a Cheshire Cat smile and a "just try fuckin' with me" look on his face. Sigfried isn't the only person in the room. Directly behind him sits a beautiful young woman, Angela, gagged and bound to a chair. Ted drops the bucket to the floor.

Sigfried reaches in his pocket and throws a handful of assorted stimulants into his mouth, chewing on them like they were breath mints. Sigfried thrusts his hand forward, gripping Ted by the throat, and leads him to Angela.

Sigfried turns to Angela.

Suddenly, with great force, Sigfried slams the butt of his pistol smack into Ted's temple, sending him to the floor. Ted looks up at Sigfried in shock.

A tense silence fills the room. All eyes are on Ted, who can't figure out what the fuck this guy wants.

Sigfried looks hard with disbelief at Ted, who winces back.

Sigfried throws another handful of pills into his mouth.

Ted has struck a raw nerve. Sigfried's mood swings drastically; he bends down next to Ted.

The phone rings.

Sigfried glances at it. Then to Angela. He picks up the phone.

He listens to the other line, says good-bye, and hangs up.

Sigfried kneels next to Ted and assumes a prayer position.

Sigfried, hands clasped together, signals for Ted to do the same. The gun lies at his side. Ted considers a bold move, but thinks better of it. Sigfried's eyes pop open. He cuts a look to Ted, signaling him to assume the pose.

Ted looks to Angela for help. She can only stare back with intense, wide-open eyes.

Ted repeats what Sigfried has told him. This appears to have a calming effect on Sigfried, who gets up off the floor, turning his face to Angela.

Angela nods.

Naturally, Angela says nothing.

Sigfried turns to Ted.

Angela attempts to speak through the gag. Both men wait with bated breath for a response. Sigfried's had enough.

Ted beckons Sigfried.

Sigfried empties the last of the pills into his mouth, heaving the empty bottle over his shoulder. He takes off, disappearing into the bathroom.

INT. ROOM 404

Ted finds himself alone with Angela. They lock eyes. Angela implores Ted to lean forward. Ted sizes up the situation: His chances of making it to the door are slim due to the fact that he would have to pass by the bathroom door. Ted paces back and forth in front of Angela, who struggles to get his attention. He whips around and they face off in what appears to be a game of charades. Ted finally gets the point and cautiously removes the gag from Angela's mouth. Angela spits an old sock out.

Ted wrestles with the idea of whether to untie Angela or not.

On nervous impulse, Ted begins the calculations.

Ted collapses to his knees in front of Angela.

Ted collects himself.

Ted is at a loss as to what to do. Angela turns on the charm.

Ted creeps towards her.

Sigfried suddenly comes to life . . . . He's heard from the bathroom belting out "Life is but a dream . . . she-boom, she-boom."

Ted hurries to replace the sock in her mouth.

INT. ROOM 404

Sigfried coughs, sending a chill up Ted's spine. Ted whips around to discover Sigfried leaning up against the door to the bathroom.

Ted's fingers are frozen over Angela's lips.

Ted starts to back toward the door.

The directness of Sigfried's command, coupled with the SOUND of a trigger being cocked, forces Ted to approach Angela. Angela is a stunning beauty, and Ted being kind of a shy guy makes for an awkward situation. Ted leans forward. As he closes in, Angela's eyes close.

Ted pulls up short of actually nibbling on Angela.

Sigfried yanks Ted backwards. He wraps his arms around him.

Ted struggles to free himself from Sigfried's powerful bear hug and blasts out the following monologue.

Sigfried has followed the entire tirade in stunned silence. He takes a step toward Ted and offers him his hand.

Sigfried cuts a "Something wrong with that?" look at Ted.

Ted cautiously takes Sigfried's hand.

Sigfried holds onto Ted's hand. The soft sound of distant fireworks pops in the background. Car horns and a muffled countdown signal that it's New Year's. Sigfried moves uncomfortably close to Ted and from out of nowhere bolts forward, planting a wet kiss right on Ted's mouth. Something snaps in Sigfried. He is either really getting off on this or he is caught in the grips of a seizure. He doubles back on the floors. Ted and Angela watch as he flops around like a flounder with the cocked gun waving all over the place. Ted wipes his mouth with his jacket sleeve while trying to dodge the barrel of the gun.

Sigfried manages to steady the gun and point it directly at Ted. He signals for Ted to go to the bathroom.

Sigfried grabs Ted by the leg and shove the barrel of the gun into his crotch. Sigfried pulls Ted's face closer to his.

Ted rushes into the bathroom, leaving Sigfried a babbling mess behind.

CUT TO:

INT. BATHROOM--SAME TIME

Ted enters the bathroom, which appears shaken by an earthquake. Towels and wet clothes are all over the place. An evening gown is flushed halfway down the toilet and pills are everywhere. Sigfried is shouting from the other room to hurry. Ted checks the cabinet, searching for a bottle marked "Nitro." No luck. Ted spots a small window set above the toilet.

He figures this is the best chance he's got to make a break.

Ted goes for it. He manages to get his head and one arm through the window before he gets stuck. His legs dangle in the bathroom. Struggle as he may, he can only hit the toilet-bowl lever, which sends a loud FLUSH SOUND out through the apartment.

EXT. BATHROOM WINDOW--NIGHT

Outside the window, Ted's in another world. He's almost safe. It's a strange feeling, kind of like bathing in warm water in paradise, knowing a huge shark is ready to rip his ass off. He can see the flickering red glowing light from the witches' room from the floor below.

EXT. BATHROOM WINDOW AND BELOW--NIGHT

Ted sees Eva bopping naked past the window. He shouts her name out, to no avail. The MUSIC drowns out his voice and they ignore his calls for help. The blood rushes to his head. He lets himself hang there for a moment. He wonders how many other people have found themselves in situations like this before him. Probably everyone. Right next to his face, Ted recognizes a bloody hand print. It's not his blood.

EXT. BATHROOM WINDOW AND ABOVE--NIGHT

Ted hears a sound from above and twists himself around, spotting a young man (previously seen as the Yuppie Scumbag on the phone) leaning out of the window directly above him. After a quick moment of sizing him up, Ted gathers himself.

No answer. Something's wrong with the guy, all the blood is drained from his face and he is mumbling something.

Silence.

The young man manages to belt out the word "ice" just before hurling a mouthful of vomit toward Ted. It takes all Ted's strength to dodge the puke and pull himself back into the bathroom. He falls back on the floor.

He props himself up and checks for damage. He notices something odd . . . the room is silent. No Sigfried. He walks into the bedroom.

CUT TO:

INT. HOTEL BEDROOM--MOMENTS LATER

Ted looks around the still room. No one's there.

He heads toward the door and, from out of the corner of his eye, he spots Sigfried's hairy leg. Sigfried has passed out on the floor. Angela's chair has been knocked on its side. Ted races over to help lift her back up. He pulls the gag from her mouth. Angela jumps all over him.

Ted struggles to untie Angela.

The knots are all over the place and a real bitch to untie.

Ted turns on a dime and runs smack into Sigfried, who's been taking in the whole conversation.

Angela hears Sigfried's voice from behind her back.

Ted edges his way toward the door.

Sigfried turns an icy eye on Ted, who has given up all hope of ever getting out of the room.

Angela continues her tirade.

Sigfried slowly raises his gun, pointing it directly at Ted's chest.

The words hit Sigfried like bullets to the chest . . . his legs weaken.

Sigfried runs over to Angela and kneels in front of her.

Angela is on a roll. She fires the words at Sigfried, hitting him pointblank. He staggers. He pleads with her to stop, covering his ears. Ted watches the man crumble.

Sigfried tries jamming the sock back in her mouth to stop the flow; she manages to give him a "fuck of a bite" in the process. Meanwhile, Ted figures this to be his moment to make a move and bolts for the door, only to be tackled by Sigfried at the one-yard line. After a struggle, the two men rest on the floor, catching their breath in a relaxed embrace.

Sigfried heaves the gun over his shoulder, grabs a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniel's, and passes it to Ted, who takes a hit.

Sigfried releases Ted and stands up.

Sigfried throws his hand out to help Ted up.

Sigfried takes Ted by the hand and leads him to an open window. Ted is overcome by the sweetness in Sigfried's voice and follows him to the window willingly. The two men look out into the dark Los Angeles night.

Ted shakes his head.

Ted and Sigfried stare out of the window in peace, transfixed by the glimmering lights of the city. A loud SHOT rings out, shattering the still moment. The two men spin around. Angela stands there with a smoking gun hanging at her side. Sigfried drops to his knees. Ted checks him out, no blood. Angela has fired the gun into the floor below. Ted looks up at Angela. Angela opens the chamber of the pistol and hands the bullets to Ted.

Sigfried is bent over, silently weeping on the floor.

Angela sits next to Sigfried and gently strokes his back.

Ted points to a tray with half-eaten food on it.

Ted slowly walks toward the door and takes one last look at the strange couple at rest in the corner of the room before closing the door behind him.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY--MOMENTS LATER

Ted walks down the hallway, lost in thought. An energetic Young Guy with a bouquet of flowers plows into him.

The guy takes off in the direction Ted's walking from. Ted suddenly realizes who this guy is and whips around, shouting to the Young Guy.

The door SLAMS on room 409.

FADE OUT

FADE TO BLACK

STORY TITLE CARD:

FADE UP

THE FRONT DESK

SUPER: 10:30 p.m.

Ted is relaxing at the front desk. He breathes slowly. He finally has one moment's peace after an already long night. He even has a chance to straighten his tie.

The phone RINGS.

CUT TO:

ROOM 716

CLOSE-UP of a cigarette hanging out of a Man's mouth as he speaks into the telephone.

Man hangs up the phone and stubs out his cigarette into an already overstuffed ashtray by the bed. Man turns around to face the camera. He is a dark and handsome Latin male in his mid-30s. Dangerous. Impatient.

He walks toward the camera as he continues straightening his tie.

He stops at the door of the bathroom and watches his Wife and two kids get ready for the party. Wife seems to be a beautiful woman in her mid-30s. The children are Sarah, nine, and Juancho, six.

Man strikes up another cigarette and finishes his tie.

He watches his Wife comb Juancho's hair down and to the side like an idiot.

Not being able to stand it anymore, Man tears Juancho away from his Wife and snatches the comb.

Man begins to slick Juancho's hair back.

Juancho is smiling now. He's happy he's going to look like his dad.

Juancho looks over at Sarah, who is going through the tortuous ritual of having her mother brush the tangles out of her long, unmanageable hair.

Wife seems to be taking out her aggressions on the tangled mess.

Man is starting to have problems of his own with Juancho's hair. Juancho's hair is thinner than Man's, so it won't stay up.

Man puts down his cigarette in order to get a better handle on it. We see the frustration growing in his face.

Juancho picks up the cigarette and pretends he's smoking too, just like his dad.

Man tears the cigarette away from Juancho and smokes it down to the filter. He looks at his own cool hair, and then down at Juancho's, which won't stay up.

Man flicks the cigarette butt into the toilet in frustration.

In anger, Man starts messing up Juancho's hair.

Furious, Man simply swipes Juancho's hair back down and to the side, the way Wife had it before. Juancho looks like an idiot again.

Juancho slouches past everyone as he exits the bathroom.

Sarah watches him leave as her own hair is finished.

Sarah exits.

Wife then finishes her own gorgeous hair. Man lights up a new cigarette.

Man blows smoke in Wife's face as he walks out of the bathroom.

Sarah has joined Juancho in watching television.

Man watches the children watch TV. We can see the wheels turning in Man's head.

He turns back to the bathroom.

He watches Wife now. Wheels turning. Practically burning rubber.

Wife puts the lipstick down and turns to her husband. She is beautiful.

Wife glances out at the children, eyes glued to the tube.

Wife thinks about it for a second. She shrugs a "sure."

He kisses Wife's face and exits the bathroom. She covers the wet spot with more cake makeup.

The children turn to face him.

The children look at each other.

Wife goes straight for the door.

He blows one kiss. One for both of them.

As Man and his Wife walk out the door, Man turns back to the children . . . .

He closes the door.

Sarah stands in the middle of the room. She's looking at the door Man and Wife just disappeared through. Stunned.

Her dress looks frilly and beautifully uncomfortable. She touches the edges of the fabric.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY

Man and Wife are walking down the hall.

Man stops in his tracks. Wife stops too and looks at Man. They wait.

CUT TO:

ROOM 716

Juancho shuts off the television. He drops the remote to the floor. His attention is on the fireworks outside. He leaps to the window and begins unlatching it.

Man bursts through the door of the hotel room and stands in the doorway, glaring at the mischievous Juancho.

Juancho bangs his head on the window trying to get back inside. He leaps to the floor and tries to turn on the TV with the remote.

Juancho turns to Man as if he'd been sitting there watching television the whole time.

Ted appears at the door with Man's champagne.

Ted proceeds to place the champagne in the room.

Ted is torn. Man pushes him into the room.

Ted places the bucket near the bed. After setting up the bottle, he turns to leave, but now Man closes the door, trapping Ted inside with them.

Ted looks around, bewildered. Now what?

Man is reaching into his coat pocket.

Man hesitates a moment, then pulls out his wallet. That was too easy.

Man grabs Ted's face and tilts it torward Wife.

Man lets go of Ted's face. He feels his jaw. It's still there.

Man whips out his wallet and counts out money in Ted's face.

Man glares at Ted.

Ted doesn't back down.

The angrier Man gets, the quieter he talks.

Ted, while not backing down, massages the situation.

Man has never been challenged like this by a fuckin' bellboy.

Ted not only doesn't back down, but psychologically pokes his finger in the scary Man's chest.

Man's eyes narrow. He physically pokes his finger in Ted's chest.

Now Ted takes a step backwards.

Man drops the tenseness.

Man respects Ted for not backing down, but not insulting him either. A skill Man never learned. Wife shoots a look at the children.

Juancho turns back to the TV.

Sarah stares down Wife.

CLOSE-UP of name tag.

Man tears off Ted's name tag and throws it to children.

Sarah catches the name tag and reads the name on it: "TED--BELLHOP."

Sarah looks up at Ted. She clips the pin to her dress and smiles shyly at him.

Man puts the money in Ted's pocket and then grabs his ear, pulling him close.

Wife looks disgusted.

As Man and Wife exit, he turns to the kids and says:

Man closes the door.

INT. HALLWAY

Man and Wife book it down the hall before Ted can change his mind.

ROOM 716

Ted is standing facing the door the Man and Wife just disappeared through. He turns around slowly to face the children.

His eyes are wide. His face is quiet. Stern.

The children are staring at him.

The kids look at each other.

Sarah laughs at his joke.

Ted goes to the door.

Ted's surprised by a challenge this early in the game.

Ted leaves.

CUT TO:

INT. HALLWAY

Ted walks briskly down the hall, counting his money the whole way.

CUT TO:

INT. ROOM 716

Juancho takes off his socks and shoes and throws them onto the floor. Sarah looks at the discarded shoes and socks.

CLOSE ON the shoes and socks.

Sarah looks over at Juancho's bare feet. Her nose twitches.

Juancho smells his feet.

Sarah throws his shoes and socks behind her. They land on the bed.

Juancho is flipping channels and finds an interesting show.

Sarah realizes he found a Nudie station.

Juancho rolls up in a ball, the remote tucked in some recess of his stomach.

Sarah hits him, then goes to the phone. She punches 0, sits on the bed, and checks the name on the name tag pinned to her shirt.

CUT TO:

FRONT DESK

Ted walks up to the front desk just as the phone rings.

INT. ROOM 716

Sarah is taking off her white winter tights.

Ted checks the computer.

He hangs up.

ROOM 716

Angry, Sarah slams down the phone. She has an unusually adult temper. We know where she gets it from. She looks up and sees that the nudies are still in full force.

Juancho turns around. He has a face like someone just laid a fart in his nose.

Sarah smells her feet. Twice.

She sticks her foot out for Juancho to smell. He's reluctant. Fearful.

He slowly, very slowly . . . climbs onto the bed and lowers his head to her foot. Very slowly.

Sarah waits until he's close enough to her foot before she kicks him in the face, sending him somersaulting off the bed and crashing to the floor.

She grabs the remote control he left behind and changes the channel to a cartoon.

Juancho gets up and realizes his defeat. He decides to wander about. Looking for something to do . . .

Sarah tries to ignore him as he stalks the room. It's only a matter of time before he finds mischief.

Juancho sees the champagne bucket and Bingo!, he goes for the bottle.

Sarah opens her mouth, as if about to tell him to leave the champagne alone. She stops herself when she realizes she wants some champagne too.

She quickly scrambles about for a bottle opener while Juancho unwraps the bottle top.

Sarah opens the dresser drawer with such force that a few hidden contents long forgotten in the back of the drawer slide forward.

Some coins, a paperclip, and a hypodermic needle. She looks down at the needle that lays beside the Gideon Bible and casually picks the phone back up and punches 0. The phone rings.

FRONT DESK

Ted, bucket of ice in his hand, gets ready to go to room 404. As he crosses the desk, the phone rings. He looks at the board and see room 716's light blinking. He sighs in exasperation.

INT. ROOM 716

Sarah sees Juancho shaking the champagne bottle violently.

Sarah picks up the needle and rolls it over in her hand several times.

The champagne bottle explodes all over Juancho. He looks surprised.

She hangs up.

A frustrated Ted hangs up the phone. He walks briskly to the elevator.

Sarah and Juancho are pouring themselves champagne. They turn up the television and drink. Juancho shudders at the taste, but tries to drink as much as Sarah.

Sarah clearly doesn't like it, but tries to pretend she does.

Sarah picks up an instruction card near the phone to see how to make room-to-room calls.

Sarah punches in the room number. The phone rings.

She holds the needle up to the light to examine it.

She hangs up.

Juancho puts down his champagne glass and searches his father's coat pocket. He finds a pack of cigarettes and takes one out. He puts it in his mouth and pretends to smoke.

Sarah checks out the hypodermic needle carefully. She has an idea.

MONTAGE:

In the bathroom, Sarah seeks out her mother's lipstick.

ROOM 716

Sarah stands atop the chest of drawers and uses the lipstick to draw a bull's-eye on one of the hotel art paintings. She writes numbers next to each circle representing points.

Juancho is standing at the foot of the bed, cigarette hanging out of his mouth, as he practices his dart-throwing technique.

WHACK! The needle lands an inch from her face in the 20-point slot.

Sarah, a little tipsy now, grabs the needle and staggers to the bed. She hears the key in the doorway and throws the needle into the curtain to hide it.

Ted enters the room, somewhat disheveled from his encounter with Sigfried. He has a tray and a new bottle of champagne.

He puts the champagne bottle into the empty bucket. He spots the original bottle lying on the floor half empty and dripping into the carpet.

Juancho bites into a Saltine. Sarah simply examines one.

Sarah gives up and throws the cracker back onto the tray. She's a little drunk.

Ted picks up the ruined champagne bottle.

Juancho dips his crackers and eats them. He makes a face and drops a soggy cracker onto the tray.

They go to the bathroom. Ted sits on the bed. Waits.

He sees the painting on the wall but can't figure out what's different about it. The red lipstick blends right into the aesthetic value of the painting.

Ted smells something funny. He looks down and sees the socks on the bed. He grabs a fork from the tray and uses it to throw the socks across the room.

The kids come back out.

The children nod.

The kids lie on the bed.

Sarah notices a jar of Mentholatum ointment on the dinner tray.

The children close their eyes. Ted opens the jar of the ointment and sniffs it. Strong stuff by the look on his face.

The children lie in the bed, eyes closed, listening intently.

Tep dips his fingers in the jar of vaporous ointment.

Eyes closed, the kids inhale. They smell the ointment and nod yes.

Ted is spreading the ointment over their eyelids as he says this.

Extreme CLOSE-UP on Ted's eyes.

The children are quiet.

Ted leaves.

CUT TO:

AFTER A MOMENT OF DARKNESS

After a moment of darkness, the night is disturbed by the loud crashing of fireworks outside the window.

Sarah sits up, eyes closed. Her face feels the warmth coming from the window and she tilts her head toward it.

The light of the fireworks dances its reflections off her face.

She inhales deeply . . . then makes a sour face. She goes for the bathroom, arms outstretched like a blind girl. She gets to the bathroom, turns on the light, and searches for the sink.

She begins to wash the ointment off her eyes very carefully. She dries her eyes thoroughly and opens them . . . checks them in the mirror. A little red, but otherwise fine.

She goes back into the bedroom, turns on the television and grabs the new champagne bottle. She shakes it violently.

Juancho wakes. He turns his head to her. His eyes are still closed.

The champagne bottle explodes. She pours herself a glass.

Juancho gets up smiling and tries to run to the bathroom. He slams into the wall, hard.

Juancho walks into the bathroom a little slower, more cautious.

Sarah pours herself another glass. She downs the glass and shudders.

She smells the bad smell again. Only now she really smells it.

She smells her feet. Nothing. She smells the champagne. Nothing.

Juancho enters the room and sits on the bed. Sarah grabs his foot and smells it. She drops his foot.

Juancho stares blankly at her.

Sarah looks down at the mattress. She smells the mattress.

Juancho looks at her as if she's drunk.

Sarah leaps off the bed and turns on the room lights. She takes a huge swig from the champagne bottle, then stalks toward the mattress.

Juancho leaps off the bed as well and stands back.

Sarah pulls the mattress off of the bedsprings enough to see what is underneath it.

Juancho screams. Sarah is too stunned to scream. Stuffed into the bedsprings is a woman's dead and beaten corpse.

CUT TO:

CLOSE ON

Ted's phone ringing.

Ted looks at the phone as if pondering whether or not to answer it. He taps his fingers. Finally he answers the phone.

ROOM 716

Ted hangs up the phone.

Sarah redials.

Ted answers.

Ted is quiet on the line. Thinking.

Juancho lights up a cigarette for real and takes nervous puffs.

Sarah carries the phone over to Juancho and snatches the cigarette away from him. She stuffs it in her own mouth and nervously takes a long drag on it.

She drinks from her champagne bottle. She's pulling the mattress back over the corpse again.

She's drunk all right.

FRONT DESK

Ted slams down the phone.

As he walks away from the counter, he spots the children's parents driving up to the valet out front.

Ted breaks into a sprint and dives into a closing elevator.

CUT TO:

ROOM 716

Sarah continues to cover the body with the mattress.

ELEVATOR

Close on Ted's face as the elevator car races up seven floors.

LOBBY

The Man is carrying his drunk Wife through the lobby. Not happy.

ROOM 716

Ted bursts into the room. He sees the disarray.

Ted pushes the champagne out of Sarah's hand, spilling it onto the floor.

He sees Juancho with the cigarette hanging out of his mouth and rips it away from him. The butt goes flying onto the carpet near the spreading champagne spill.

Sarah grabs the mattress and pulls it off herself.

Ted sees the rotting corpse.

Vomit spews out of Ted's mouth.

He tears at the phone.

Tears well in Sarah's eyes as she looks at the body.

Sarah grabs the hypodermic needle from under the curtain and stabs it into Ted's leg.

Sarah steps back, almost tripping over the champagne bottle. She picks up the bottle and holds it defensively in case Ted tries to retaliate. Ted spins around, now noticing the needle sticking out of his leg.

Juancho lights up another cigarette.

The champagne spill has spread to the fallen cigarette butt. The carpet bursts into flames around the spill.

CUT OUTSIDE TO:

EXT. ROOM 716

CLOSE ON a key going into the keyhole outside.

BACK TO:

ROOM 716

Ted tries to pull the syringe out of his leg, but yanking it makes it break in two, the plunger in his hand, and the needle still stuck in his leg.

Ted staggers and grabs hold of the dead woman's foot for support as he steps on the remote control, flipping the TV on to the Nudie channel, just as . . .

Man opens the door.

Man stands at the door, drunk Wife unconscious on one arm, the door knob in the other hand. He's looking mean.

Man's POV: focused on the dead woman in the bedsprings. We pan up the dead woman's leg to find Ted holding her foot. We pan down Ted's leg to find the hypodermic needle jutting out . . . then pan over to the other hand holding the broken syringe plunger.

We pan over to the Nudie channel, then down to the fire blazing behind the children. Pan up to the dripping champagne bottle in Sarah's hand, then over to the cigarette hanging out of Juancho's mouth. Juancho tosses his cigarette out of his mouth to an area behind him. Another blaze starts immediately.

Man drops his Wife to the floor.

In the WIDE SHOT of Ted and the children, we see that the fireworks are bursting big and bright outside the window behind them. Almost as bright as the flames eating through the room.

Man simply glares at Ted. Finally Man speaks . . .

Ted stares blankly at Man (the camera) as the sprinklers burst on . . . drenching the room as the picture

FADES TO BLACK

FADE UP ON

INT. HOTEL LOBBY--NIGHT

SUPER: ONE MINUTE AFTER ROBERT'S STORY. TWENTY MINUTES BEFORE DAWN.

The elevator rides down to the lobby. The doors open and a wet, disheveled, and frantic Ted steps out.

He staggers across the lobby to the reception desk. He grabs the phone.

INT. BETTY'S APT--ALMOST DAWN

The wild New Year's Eve party is winding down. Some Guests are passed out, some are asleep, some are making out, two guys are playing Nintendo, a Girl watches them. The phone RINGS. The Girl, who wears a "Guinness Stout" T-shirt, answers the phone.

BACK TO TED: BACK AND FORTH

Margaret thinks for a moment.