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David Letterman April 27, 2000
Transcript by Jacinda

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DL: How are ya? You look terrific. You look fantastic. My God.

SH: Thank you. I came here with a wrap because it's always so cold in here.

DL: It was chilly in here. We like to keep our comedy fresh.
How are you doing? You look like a million damn dollars. My God are you lovely. Are you married?

SH: No.

DL: You probably have a boyfriend. I would think so. Guys lined up around the block that kind of deal?

SH: Probably. [laughter]

DL: How is Ed working out for you?

SH: What?

DL: I say how is Ed working out for you?

SH: Did I hear right.. how is it working out for me? Oh things are working out great.

DL: Good.

SH: You know what you said?

DL: How is Ed working out for you?

SH: Yeah. Great.

DL: Do you go to health clubs? Working out?


DL: Where were you born? What was the name of the town again?

SH: There we go again. I hope you know it by now because I told you a couple of years ago. Coatzacoalcos.

DL: Coatzacoalcos. Did I say that right?

SH: You said it beautifully. I'm impressed. You practiced.

DL: What does it mean in Spanish?

SH: It doesn't.. it's a .. it's a pre-hispanic word.. it doesn't have a specific meaning... it comes from an .. it actually means a snake with feathers [laughter] It does.

DL: I forgot about the feather part. I knew it was.. It was nice to see ya and.. you had a vacation.. you've been on vacation. Where did you go? What do you do on vacation? How was that/Ed going?

SH: I went to Acapulco.

DL: Acapulco. What is that like? Is it beautiful there?

SH: It's so beautiful.

DL: Isn't it on the Pacific? Acapulco.

SH: Yes.

DL: So it's a big vacation resort, isn't it?

SH: Right. Yes. It has lovely beaches and I saw dolphins on the.. And then I went to San Miguel D'Allendes.

DL: Sounds like a small fishing village.

SH: It's not fishing. You know it's a colonial little town.

DL: Like Williamsburg? [laughter]

SH: Not quite but...

DL: I've had surgery I'm sorry.

SH: I know but you look great. You are even funnier since you had the operation.

DL: Is that even possible? [laughter] So anyway we were talking about your vacation.

SH: I went to San Miguel and I stayed at a ranch that belongs to a very good friend of mine.

DL: Is it a ranch or a rancho?

SH: A rancho. Very good, David! I'm so proud of you. And you know it belongs to my friend Miguel who's an old friend of mine from Mexico.. and he loves bullfighting.. and as a special treat he invited a matador and two little bulls so they could teach me how to bullfight.

DL: Oh really?

SH: Yes.

DL: In Mexico they don't kill the bull?

SH: Yes. They kill the bull.

DL: They kill the bull? I didn't realize that. I thought that was only in Spain.

SH: No. I think the only place where they don't kill is in Prortugal.

DL: And Queens. [laughter]

SH: And Queens. Thank you. And so it was very very scary but I had to do it.

DL: How big were the bulls? Still probably very big.

SH: Yeah they were. They were smallish. It's not the size it's the... they were so mean. [laughter] They were strong.

DL: Did they have the little horns?

SH: They had little horns. They look bigger when you're closer. [laughter] But they were sort of small. So I was nervous.. I went up to the bull before they released him and I started to make.. trying to make friends with him. "Hi little bully" [laughter] and he did not fall for my charms.. he was mean. And he came out and it was like the devil got into that little black thing.

DL: Diablo!

SH: Diablo. Yes.

DL: Diablo!

SH: And they were trying to convince me to come out there and they give me that stick with the red club hanging, you know.

DL: Oh boy.

SH: And I was nervous and I said to the matador "You are coming with me because I am not working out that by myself." And he said okay. So I'm holding the matador with my hand and the red thing with the other and I'm sticking it as out as far away from me as I can.. and the bulls not moving and he's not coming over and the matador is going "Get closer! Get closer!" and I'm getting closer and the bull is not moving.. "Get closer! Get closer!" and I get closer and the bull is starting to .. you know how they go like this [gestures].

DL: Yeah.

SH: When they look at you with this face that they are coming to get you. [laughter]

DL: Yeah.

SH: He started going like this and I panicked the minute the bull comes out I throw the matador in front of him, drop the thing and run. [laughter, clapping]

DL: Good for you.

DL: What happened to the guy?

SH: He was on the floor running around with the bull going like this to him and he had lots of bruises and you won't believe the guy got up.. you know.. limping, all messed up and he said "OK, now you have to go out there and do it because I took this for you." And I had to do it for him and I did a couple of passes.

DL: Did you enjoy it?

SH: No. [laughter] But I feel very brave.

DL: What kind of child.. tell us about your kind of growing up in Mexico because it sounds very .. must have been exotic, I would guess so.

SH: No, if you're Mexican it doesn't seem so exotic.

DL: Oh sure, but if you're a dorky white guy from Indiana. [laughter]

SH: It was fun. I was just a regular child. I got along. I got along with the guys very well, played soccer with them because we didn't have a female team and I also got along with..

DL: You must have been pretty good at soccer.

SH: Yes I was good.and I was also friend.. and I had a lot of girlfriends also because I was feminine but I also liked to hang out with the guys so I was popular and everything was great for me growing up until we got to the fifth grade.. because all my girlfriends started developing breasts and I was flat as a board. [laughter] I was once. All the girls would talk about.. you know.. growing up and developing and I had nothing to share with them because nothing was happening to me. And all the boys would talk about was the girls that were being developed and I was not part of that clan so I felt so out of place and I was miserable for a little period of time. And then one time I took a roadtrip with my mom and we went to this church that was supposed to have.. they say it did a lot of miracles and we went in.. [loud laughter] I'm not there yet. You guess the right story. I went in.

DL: You know when you're asking for a miracle, not nice to get greedy. [laughter]

SH: *laughing*

DL: You we're praying for a miracle.

SH: And then we went out and I said to my mom "I forgot something". I had to go back in and I put my hands in holy water.. this is the recipe, girls... put my hands in holy water and I said "Please God, give me some breasts".. and he gave me them. [laughter]

DL: Woah that's quite a let's see the the movie [laughter] it opens on Friday and it's one of these unusual films, isn't it? You have like 4 images on the screen the whole time.

SH: Yeah it's very cool. It's an experiment they did and of course I was one of the guinea pigs. It's one take.. it took one take 90 minutes, one whole take and there is no script. We improvised.

DL: Was that a good idea?

SH: Yes. It's a great idea.

DL: *laughs*

SH: It really is. You have to see the film to have to know it.

DL: I have seen part of it. I started to watch it on the set.

SH: It's a scary idea but it's a good idea and it's completely different. And there's 4 cameras and the screen is split into 4 cameras. There was no editing. If you miss out that's it. What you see is what you get.

DL: Does it ever get confusing because of all these images..

SH: No because Mike Figgis.. he was the director.. did a brilliant job with the sound. The sound gets louder in..

DL: That takes you to from one of the quarters to another..

SH: Exactly. But if you want to pick someboy else's line while you're listening to one you can still look.

DL: It's impressive. I think it's never been done before.

SH: It's never been done before. We're getting great reviews. I'm very excited about it.

DL: It opens in selected cities tomorrow. I hope it's very successful for you.

Transcript by Jacinda of